We Survived! LOL

When I think of the silly things I've said, done or thought in the past week I have to admit that I am amazed that we, okay, I survived. Sometimes it is so hard to remember that life is temporary. And it is even hard to truly appreciate what I have when I get caught on what I don't have. But then again, have you met my dauther?

So the week of Zach's birthday I spontaneously decided that I needed to go visit the cemetary. Or what I affectionately call "the stone." So I drove to Hospers with Halleah in tow and just spent some time resting and hanging out with the fam - oh and of course the infamous prom pictures! Anyway, on my way out of town on Friday I decided to stop by and visit the stone.

As I pulled into the cemetary, I realized kind of how silly it was that I felt like I needed to be there. So I decided I would walk to the stone and back to the car. Kind of as a "I did it, I visited." I also decided since it would be quick that I would leave Halleah in the car as well.

I got out and as I walked around the car I saw Halleah following me with the "you did not just leave me in here" look. I got the message loud and clear and since she doesn't really know the whole battle going on in my mind and heart I went back and got her out of the car.

We walked to the stone and I put Halleah down beside it. She just looked at me and gave me her ear to ear grin and I was overcome with amazement at how much my children look alike. I always think they look alike but to see Zach's face smiling at me right next to hers brought such a sense of joy. And as I sat there and laughed with Halleah I was again struct at how silly the whole situationn was. My boy isn't in that beautiful stone. He is with me, with us, every day. In our laughter, in our heart, and in our love.

And then as if just to affirm how I felt the sheep starting making noise. Halleah got real quiet and just started looking around for that baa sound. It was precious and I was reminded again how perfect and peaceful it is there. That those animals were what we laughed about when we first visited the stone. We thought it was so fitting for my little boy.

And even now I am overwhelmed by thinking about explaining Zach to Halleah... but I treasure that moment out there. Just her and me, the sheep, and that smiling face on the most beloved stone in my life.