So I had a pretty good day today. Scratch that. I had a wonderful day. I was productive. I worked hard. And I had the opportunity to meet a wonderful woman from Better Homes and Garden. She was an energetic woman full of life and compliments. The best kind of person to meet and spend time getting to know.
And as I excused myself from dinner tonight - in order to rush to church for a meeting - I did it. I did that thing that I am still disgusted at myself for doing. She was asking me about my girls and was giving me much undeserved compliments about them and their red hair. She is also a red head! And in an honest conversation she looks me in the eyes and tells me that my girls "need a brother. A red head."
Any guesses what I did? I committed the 6th sin of motherhood... Thou shall not forget or intentionally not mention a child. And yes, I made up that rule. But I try to live by that in principal. And I committed the unmentionable. I smiled and I agreed with her. I know I did the "appropriate" thing but I have to admit I have felt nothing but guilt ever since leaving that conversation. She didn't know. She didn't need to know. But I feel like I've abondoned my child.
I Hate it When...
2 comments:
you hate it when..
I to miss my grandson Zach..
I do worry about when you will let him go.. we talk about rejoicing that he is with God - in heaven above. I believe Zach is telling you to rejoice for those he left behind.. You did not leave him, he went on before us.. I want the world to know of him, but I also don't want the world to feel sorry for him. I want my grandkids to grow up knowing of my first grandchild, while knowing they are to do the best they can while on earth, until they to are called home. I believe! I believe he knows: of our love! I miss him..
Loosing him broke my heart, and I don't want him to know that. because I BELIEVE he wants me to mend.. He wants me to love! He wants me to live!
you did not forget, you were graceful.
Love you! mom Den Hartog..
Actually, My Lady, your frustration runs both ways...I hate it when I don't tell somebody about Zach, but I also hate when the conversation gets weird because I mention Zach.
Either way it's frustrating!!
I love you!!
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