The Smell of Peace

I am a planner. Big time minute by minute planner. Pregnancy totally brings this part of me out BIG time. But I know it... so hopefully not to many of you think I'm too wacky. I work hard at trying to not be so over the top (note: only during pregnancy do I excuse my behavior or work this hard to correct it! LOL

Anyway, I have been working with the Chrysalis Foundation at work. We just started doing nutrition programs and some other fun things with 6th grade after school groups of girls. The first one was totally overwhelming. The issues they face are challenges that I was sheltered from for most of my life were gut wrenching.

The second meeting was this week. It is the one I want to tell you about... kind of. I set out after a stressful day at work on Monday to get my supplies (i.e. soyfoods to demo). After unsuccessfully finding some items at our "go to" Hy-Vee for soyfoods I was super frustrated and decided I would get up early and check a few other stops on my way to work.

At the SECOND store on Tuesday morning I was walking "with purpose" to the health food section. I passed by the flower display and stopped. Seriously, stopped dead in my tracks, probably left marks on their floor with my shoes stopped. The smell.

In a moment, I was at my old house just a few days after Zach passed. The couches in the front living room were facing each other. A beautiful arrangements full of silk flowers and trucks and a book 'Mommy Don't Cry' was on the coffee table. The flowers and plants from the funeral were everywhere. I was on the couch alone. There was a vase full of lilies sitting on my tv stand closest to the door. The smell.

And then back to reality. I had a mision and a deadline. But I couldn't shake the smell. I wanted to stand next to those flowers for a few minutes longer. I did. I debated buying them for myself. I just stood there.

That smell brought me back to a place that was peaceful. A place that was mine. It was as if just smelling the flowers renewed the truth in my heart and sent peace pumping through my body. A smile. Another huge deep breathe and on my way.

I confessed my wierdness to Matt last night. And prepped him... my romantic happy mind has now decided that I might need those lillies in the hospital room when I meet my next son. It just goes together for me.

A sweet memory and a new beginning.