For Your Glory

I spoke to a friend last night and I didn't realize the encouragement she is to me until I hung up the phone and just stood in my kitchen speechless. She has this pure and amazing trust in God. Her faith and her testimony just is hers. No apologies, no pressure. She is who she is through and through and I love her DEARLY for that!

Everything I am is for your glory. Everything I am for you alone. Everything I am is for your glory. (Matt Maher)

I don't think she knows this but this song is no doubt her heart. It is a testimony and encouragement to my life. She courageously lives her life.

And tonight I am overwhelmed. Totally overwhelmed. My baby should be starting kindergarten this week. I should be going to get school supplies. I should be calming his nerves. And I'm not. I can't. I imagine in heaven he is home schooled. Makes sense to me. But Lord, I miss him. I celebrate the lives of those given my friends. I cherish the miracle each of these babies are. And it causes the ache deep in my heart to pulse. And yet in the midst of my tears I am in awe of the plan God has for my life.

I listen to the song over and over again and I reflect on my chat last night... Everything I am is for your glory.

I realize that I need to just stand in the presence of God and give the hurt back to him. It's kinda like a yearly revival... slowly over time I make life about me and my hurt. And I wake up one day to realize that I need to lay it down, let it go, and God - my heart's prayer is that everything I do is for your glory.

Barak. Barak Jeremiah. For four months now I have been frustrated by the people who think I named my child after the president. And last night, while talking to this dear friend I heard her say that she thought Barak's name was cool. That it was such a cool way to open doors for conversations and to share my story. SEE? She's TOTALLY this song... Everything I do is for YOUR glory God.

And she's right. Every time someone asks me about Barak I go hesitantly down the road of "well, my first son, he passed away, and um, his name was Zachariah Barak so we named this boy Barak." No more. This is my life and everything I do is for YOUR glory. My son's name is Barak. He was given Barak to honor the life of my son Zach. He was given Jeremiah because I serve a LIVING God who conquered death and who wants GOOD in my life. (Jeremiah 29). All of my children are proof of the promises of God in my life and Barak is no exception.

Barak is proof that God delivers, God restores, God desires good in my life.

Halleah Grace is proof that God gives grace. Grace flows freely over my life. Nothing I did or could have done would have saved my son Zach, but Halleah Grace, she is proof that grace washes over me. Hallelujah!

Mattalyn Karar is proof that God delights in dancing with us. Karak can be interpreted to mean to dance - to dance a Godly dance. Mattalyn, is proof that there is life and joy after loss. There is dancing and music in my heart.

Everything I do is for your glory. Everything I am for you alone.

*God I pray that daily you remind me that everything I do is for your glory and give me courage, unashamed courage, to tell my story and be part of Your glory.