God's Grace

For the past two months I've tried to take back some of the pain I'd given to God. I've tried to square up and be "ready" to meet my daughter and face the reality of the temporary - life.

But something amazing happened instead.... God's grace manifested itself in my life once again. It only seems fitting that it came in the form of Halleah Grace, my daughter.

When I held her for the first time and looked her in the eyes I was overwhelmed. Not by grief, not by pain, but by the depth of peace in my life. This miracle - in the 24+ hours that she has breathed on her own has reminded me of what it is like in the presence of God. She has brought me to His feet and as always - a song comes to mind and it is one that played at Zach's funeral in Des Moines.

Phillips Craig & Dean - Friend Of God
From the album Let the Worshippers Arise

Who am I that You are mindful of me?
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me
It’s amazing

Who am I that You are mindful of me?
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me
It’s amazing

Chorus:
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend

Who am I that You are mindful of me?
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me
It’s amazing, so amazing,
It’s amazing

Chorus:(3x’s)
God Almighty
Lord of Glory
You have called me friend

I imagine tonight that how I feel toward and for my children is truly how God feels for me, for you. I wish with my life that Zach was here to meet his sister but in light of the lives he has changed and the reality of the situation - praise God for his blessing and life. I look at Halleah and I don't ask or ponder if I'll be able to protect her. I know that I will give her everything I can. I know that my Daddy God longs for me in the same way that I long for my children. I know that I cannot protect her from everything that will come her way in life but I can be there through it all... the joy, the dissappointments, the successes.

To my Zach, no one will ever replace you and I know you'd be having fits about sharing your room. But I also know that your room in heaven is way cooler than anything I could have given you and I'll see you soon - probably not for at least 80 some years according to your dad - but soon enough. Halleah has the same round face as you - it is completely stressing out your dad. He thought it was hard enough having the most handsome son in the world but a beautiful girl too? Jesus is good - real good!

Love you!