The Coolest Part

Work threw a little curve at me today. One I know I signed up for but one that is now making me seriously consider my feelings. And I think that the coolest part of my job as wife, mom, and working mom is that I really do feel rather comfortable here.

I feel somewhat like a seasoned mother. Probably because by my definition I am. Not sure if having a just recent two year old qualifies me as seasoned but throw in surviving Zach and Mattalyn in the picture and I think it does.

I remember what it felt like to be a first time mom. Every time my son cried I wondered what everyone thought. I went through a period of time where I wouldn't go far from my house because I was so consumed with this idea of what others thought. And then in the blink of an eye he was gone. Before I could show him the world. Before I could show off my perfect son... gone.

And then I remember the guilt trips. Did I do everything I could? Why didn't I trust my instincts that weekend? I remember the things that were said to me during his life about it being my responsibility to make sure my kids saw family. I know the people who are upset at me probalby still because they didn't know him like I did. Can anyone know a child like mom?

And I remember the moment a few weeks after the funeral that something I had heard my entire life became something more to me. I had a choice to make and that choice changed me forever. Matt and I had to sit down and literally decide. Does our life stop the week, the moment, that our son arrived in heaven? Or do we choose to stand tall and proud and face the hurt and walk through it. Hand in hand, heart in heart. We chose the later. We openly decided together that no matter the pain we would wear it on our sleeve and allow ourselves to be healed and be vessels of healing.

And then I think of my girls. Of course I think they are the best girls ever. But the truth is that they are not. Not every day is picture perfect. We have days and moments where life is completely overwhelming. But we also unceasinglyl work to teach our girls to do better, to be better. Matt and I go rounds as friends, enemies, husband and wife all in pursuit of raising well behaved children.

We found a system that works for us. And it is The Coolest Part. Because Matt and I have a support system together, I really could care less about what you think. Sounds pretty silly; right? But it is the truth. My confidence as mom has recently been reborn. And it has roots in the simple truth... I do what works for me, for us.

Halleah has taught me a few things. She taught me to set the bar high because one and two year olds are a lot smarter than I ever gave them credit for. We raised the bar for Halleah and she has continually risen to the challenge.

The coolest part of my life right now... is that I am truly, cheesily, happy with what it is. And my encouragement for all of the moms in the world, do what works for you. I try to never give advice unless asked because nothing is worse than unsoliciated "suggestions." But I will tell you this... Raise the bar and be amazed. Children, friends, co-workers will more likely than not, rise to the challenge.

And that is the coolest part!