Here we go... I think

It was a wild week this week... and it isn't really even close to being over. I had the opportunity of a lifetime and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact, I think I succeeded at it :)

But this week has also challenged me more than I really care to be part of. I am learning to be the working mom. I have always been the working mom but right now, I am the working and traveling mom. The TRAVELING mom... has brought forth some really strong feelings that have surprised my family and myself. And the sheer exhaustion running in my blood right now leaves me at a really traggic place. The one where I might just avoid talking to you b/c what I might say might be some ugly attack. Or a possible truth?

The later happened to me this week. Someone told me something they truly believed to be a truth. I get it. I have my moments. But this one conversation... has left me with the feeling of free falling with no net to catch me. See, I'm really like a big kid. I'm obsessive about routine and promises b/c the very foundation of my life is built on those same things. There is a method to which I go about my day, my thoughts. The promises of the Bible are the truth I cling to.

And when the truth unravels a promise... I don't know where the net is. I don't know how to stop and stand back up. It is like I literally cannot put my feet beneath me. And no one is going to offer me a hand to stand up. B/c this particular conversation has only hurt me. The other person at the end of a bad day has brushed it off, pushed it aside under the context of their bad day.

See - a new perspective. How many times have I left a wake in my trail and never bothered to stop and help up those I ran over. And if I speak right now... this is the legacy I'd leave. I know myself enough to know that even with grace there may not be enough to cover the sheer range of silly things that I could do out of the frustration I feel right now. Silly right?

I am learning to embrace a new truth - We often live in this place of assumed euphoria - where we tell ourselves that we should be happy. We should be okay. The reality is that if we were better at communicating the ups and downs of life - we would be more supportive. Life would be like waves... gentle waves that rock the boat but waves that the boat quickly recovers from. Not like the tsunami that has washed me onto the shore.

Not to worry... I recover. I always do. I just need some time to figure out how to process this crazy world. Maybe connecting with real people - maybe time at the cross. Maybe I should just go scream at the top of my lungs at the pine trees I dislike in my yard. I don't know yet. I'll post once I find "it"

And on a more lighter note I want to share the story of a woman I met this past week... I did something that I am not all that great at. I listened. I sat next to a very successful, amazing woman on my plane ride home from DC. And we shared, we fellowshipped.

Life is interesting... it is so easy to think that no one has experiences loss except for a few people. You might read my blog b/c you know I have experienced loss. But I challenge you to think the opposite. Almost ever person you know has experienced loss...

This woman and I shared something together... she lots twin girls 24 years ago this past November. Our loss, did not divide us. It did not make me a person who is "still grieving" and it did not make her a person clinging to the "past". Our loss - gave us common ground. It is a truth we have both embraced and want to share. It was a conversation of truths that reminds me of the importance of sharing our stories, our thoughts, our hurts. Because in a world of offenses - - I have to choose to not take up my offense. (Thanks Hil for that message a few weeks ago... scary how many times it has challenged my life!!)