Forgetting the Last

Let Me Hold You Longer
By Karen Kingbury

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave me to your past,
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts...

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips.
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked.
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
THe last time that you said you'd marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simplem oments and
bright flashes from your past -
Would I have held on longer if
I'd known they were your last?

...

My life keeps moving faster,
stealing precious days that pass.
I want to hold on longer -
want to recognize your lasts...

...

Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.

This book is amazing - it is written from her to her children and she goes through the book celebrating their firsts and lasts. The parts I pulled out from above are the very reason why I bought the book. It is nearly impossible to describe except in some way we all relate. Missing a loved one turns from vivid memories, to still small pictures. We remember all - the best and worst. One moment can bring the best joy to a heart and another the deepest sorrow. And always, with every passing day I hope and pray I never forget where I have come and where I am now.

Halleah has been reading through the book we created of Zach's life. She points out everyone... grandpa, grandma, mommy, daddy, Oma, Opa - she'll pause. "Mommy, where is Opa?" "With baby Zach sweetie, in Heaven with Jesus." "With Jesus?" "Yes, with Jesus. We'll see them someday." "Okay. Baby Zach? No, mommy, is Mattalyn." And I laugh as the conversation turns.

And I try my hardest to remember these moments with her. My two year old who is growing up so fast. Who takes what I tell her and puts it safely in her heart...

For some bright fall morning,
you'll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a briliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how
fast our time together passed.