Strange Fears

With H1N1 now seemingly all around us now I have kind of a silly confession. I don't worry about my family and colds or Influenza. I don't wash their hands more than normal, I don't shy away from others with colds. I like to think that the devil knows better than to mess with me again. Really though, I believe that and I believe that God has given me peace and wisdom. I will never walk blindly where I have walked before. I have assurance that if I keep my eyes on Him - He will always guide my way.

BUT I do almost obsessively stress about other people's children. I get nervous and cringe when I listen to the symptoms people describe or don't describe. It brings to the very front of my mind the last day with Zach. Tears and unending emotions surface with the memories and fears.

Again and again today I have had to take my fears for others to the cross. I've had to do all that I can and pray for those I care so much about and leave it there. Trust in God.

And as I hear stories and wait and pray for my dear little cousin Kyra (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kyraklinghagen) I have a renewed sense of purpose. Although my grieving is different now my story does not have to end here. Hard to put into the words the calm it brings me to know that I am not being asked to carry a burden but to give it away so that I might be a vessel. Sounds so simple when I write it down but I know you know the peace and calm I am talking about. Those moments when you know your purpose, when you have that glimpse of the life God has planned for you.

I want to live in that moment... forever.