He Is

Third Day - Born Again
From the album Revelation

Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn't at all who I thought he'd be

I was lost when You found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then You came along and You sang Your song over me

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life

Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything

I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've never felt before

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life

This song - rings in the depth of my heart. It always produces tears.

I remember being 12 and hanging out with Evalie and believing with every part of me that God was real and God was calling me. He was calling me by my name and during that time of my life I cared very little about what people thought of me. I wanted to please Him so I did whatever I could to talk about Him and be me. Being me brought Him joy. I KNEW that and I LIVED that - during that time of my life - "it feels like I'm living." I want that back. I want to innocently and purely believe the truths I knew. The truths I still know.

And then the next verse starts... "make a promise to me now,
reassure my heart somehow, That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything." A rude awakening to where I am right now, in this moment. God if you could just reassure my heart somehow. So many questions, so many hurts. The truth runs through my mind all day yet my heart resists.

Connecting my head and my heart has been a challenge for me always. This entire journey without my son has been one where my mind tells my heart to overcome, to trust, to love, and to let go. In time those things have come true, and in time, I have had to tell my heart again it is time to overcome, to trust, to love, and to let go. It is once again that time for me... to trust, to love, and to let go. To lay down the baggage that I so skillfully pick up along the way.

My prayer tonight... a song

Mark Schultz - He Is
From the album Come Alive

Father let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father let the world just fade away
'Til I'm on my knees
'Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm this storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul

Through every fear
And every doubt
In every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul
Be still and know
Be still my soul
He is