Been There

This Jonny Diaz song was playing on the radio today and while typically I turn the dial I didn't today. I don't know why. But I listened to the whole song and I realized that for all of the times I thought this song wasn't for me I was wrong.

I had this vision in my head as if I was in the audience listening to an empowering speaker. We all had on blinders, literally, a conference full of girls, women, mothers, grandmothers.

We all had on blinders. And the words of the song were being spoken to all of us:

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel that you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forgets
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs

My past sometimes haunts me, literally :) Matt is laughing at this right now because a few days ago we saw my past at the grocery store. Yeah, that one. The one guy that I gave to much too and I trusted blindly. The one that devasted me by telling people about my mistake and by moving on conveniently without telling me. THANKFULLY he did - because although it took a few years for me to heal, I have been blessed with a second chance and with the man God intended for me all along.

And as I continue to reflect on this vision I had in my car and the moment when I saw my past I realize that I do that - I feel shame and regret immediately when I think of all of it. Yet, I have this amazing and wonderful life. With a man who like the song loves me for all that I am and all that I am not. A man who treats me like a jewel and holds no worldly expectation over my head. I am reminded to stand tall and proud, throw my shoulders back and walk with confidence. God has restored me. He is strong enough that my wrong choice, has no effect on my life except that which I give it. And I confidently, freshly, I will give it none.

I wish I could bottle up myself and my friends and drop us into a room where we all wear blinders purposely. Good blinders - the ones that remove us from the competition, from the comparisons of each other. The ones that allow us to hear God's voice for us in a room of a million people. The voice of truth empowering us to be the mothers, daughters, wives, women we were called to be.

I am 28 years old and just now, truly, arriving at a new level of confidence in my life that frees me from so much of the things I worried about before. I see others I know struggle with the weight of all of these changes in life and I want it for my friends, for my family, for my children. I want them to have this same moment... the moment you let it go and let God give you everything He has in return. That moment.

And maybe others have to learn it the way I learned it... not many will give you permission to have it. But God has. The choice is yours. Reach out, stand up, and take it. Take your confidence, take your second, third, fourth chance. Take it and grow deep in your roots. It is truly one of the most rewarding moments ever as a woman.