Just Like You

How Do I Survive a Child? Just like you.

Did you know that it is said that approximately 1 out of every 4 women will miscarry a child. Their child. Your child. Your grief and pain will be as significant to you as the loss of Zach is to me. You will walk down this road of broken dreams and shattered hopes. I really believe that no pain will ever compare to the pain in a mother's heart.

The loss of a child, the loss of any loved one. Is more than we ever talk about. It is the loss of an idea. It is the loss of an inspiration. It is a river of grief that has no particular path. It is not constricted to names, or place, or events. But rather it flows across everything we do. Sometimes in our grief we have found memories... the moment we knew we were pregnant, the moment we felt a flutter. And sometimes grief takes us down this road where we questions our decisions and we wonder why until we throw our hands up in frustration and tears.

And eventually we find this place. One where we keep our broken dreams. A place where we visit when we need to. One where before we know it a still small hope is reborn. You know the place. The place in the corner of your heart that even after a full day of tears you have the smallest corner of peace.

It is not easy to find. It is not easy to admit to yourself that you have. But your mind knows the bigger picture. Your mind knows that there is a perfect will and there is a plan bigger than you. God has you in the palm of His hand. In this place, even though you do not like it you know your children are held. You know that they are loved. You know that although you firmly believe they belong in your arms your children, like my son, is not suffering. He is wanting nothing.

And that reality took me years. Yes, years. I am just now learning to say that it is okay for Daddy God to have my baby. My son. As a mother is is next to impossible to wrap your mind around the thought that your child could want for nothing... not even mom. But therein lies the reward and the challenge of having the honor of being called "mom." The responsibility to teach them, to equip my children to make it on their own, is an honor.

I have been honored to be the mother of my son Zach. I am honored to be the mother of my daughters. And I am honored, to know so many of the mother's out there who have travelled this path of grief. I am anxious to meet their missing children. I am anxious to see my son.

How do I survive my son? Just like you. I always say to Matt let me show you how it works for me. Left foot, right foot, left foot...

One step, one moment at a time. Great faith, Great friends... God's grace.