Pride of Angels

I'm sitting at our kitchen table right now. Looking around at my half-done home... proud of where we are in the process and to tired to take on any work tonight. In the background is Halleah being chased by the "tickle bug" (aka daddy).

And I feel a tear slide down my cheek. For the things I cannot verbalize. The pride of hearing the two of them laughing together and the ache at our most recent loss of Matt's dad.

Todd never got to see this part of his son. From the time of our wedding through the end, each year we can mark a change in Todd's abilities. We have photos of Todd standing holding Zach. And he was in a wheelchair when he came to visit us at the birth of Halleah. When Matty was born... we brought her home to him and laid her on his lap. Matty loved his wedding ring. Todd would spend a half hour with Mattalyn and be full of stories of the things she will be someday. Stories of the accomplishments we will share together as a family.

Todd never got to see or hear the sound of this great crazy life we have... Matty and Halleah chasing each other through our new house. Tackling each other, falling over things, laughing together with daddy close behind. He never got to drive his fancy wheelchair down our 4 foot hallway with 36 inch doors chosen in part for him. He never got to take the trip from the van into our house compliments of the reverse ledge garage floor.

Instead, he lives now with the Saints above. With our son, with his family... and while the laughter continues in my house a new reflection. My heart cannot distinguish the difference between the loss of my son over the loss of my 64 year old father-in-law. Both... have changed my life forever.