All in a Year

Sometimes I forget how short time really is. In a year a million things have changed and yet the same old stresses remain. I still wake up every day and wonder what I will wear. My patience still gets worn thin by the end of demanding day at work.

A little over a year ago now we said good-bye to Matt's dad. It was the first goodbye I've ever had to say to someone who was awake and could squeeze my hand in acknowledgment. It was just another one of those "hardest things I've done" milestones. It is still hard to know that my husband doesn't have his dad to encourage him or lift him up. It is hard to think of my son being in heaven with grandpa. All the pictures I am missing. All the hugs and kisses.

And out of the blue late last week I remembered things I had put away. I remembered that Scott & Megan told us they were expecting Mia the week before Todd passed b/c everyone wanted Todd to know. It crossed my mind that we never got that chance. We never got to tell Todd that we were pregnant. Barak is not only my second son, he is my first child that Todd has never held. Barak is the first one that I have no pictures of him with his 2 sets of grandparents.

In a year...

We've said goodbye to diapers
only to say hello again.

We said goodbye to the only home that Zach new
And hello to a house designed to accommodate Todd's wheelchair

We said goodbye to Matt's career
And hello to the best childcare provider the kids have ever known (him).

We said goodbye to Todd
And hello to Mia and Dalton and Barak