Grieving Together

I watched the news tonight and it opened a flood gate of tears inside my broken heart. A full emotional accumulation of the past year and a half of my life in combination with the reality of life. The reality of loss.

A few years ago Matt and I sought some counseling because we wanted to be sure that neither one of us harbored some feeling we were afraid to tell each other. I say we and really I wanted some peace of mind. I wanted to know the roller coaster we were on after surviving Zach was normal. What I was not prepared for was what I learned at those few sessions. It is what I am reflecting on tonight.

Grief and Loss applies to ALL things. To jobs, to people, to pets, to cars, to houses. To ALL things. But yet I find that people treat them very differently.

When we grieved the loss of our son, people came along side of us and grieved. They prayed with us. They upheld us. They walked with us no matter how painful and slow the steps were. No matter how senseless our decisions.

But when Matt lost his job over a year ago we never felt that sense of together. It was in part our fault. We didn't know how to process the feelings of disappointment, of guilt. Could we have somehow "tried" harder. And unlike losing a child, losing a job was humiliating. We had this distorted reality, one where it felt like hardly no one came along side of us while we grieved. While we fought to learn what this "new" family life-style was. While we fought as we figured out how to work together, how to trust each other in whole new ways. We felt looked down upon. We felt criticized. Even now, I think the first leaf of this journey has just turned and I'll be the first to admit I had almost given up hope.

But it hasn't been all doom and gloom. We have learned to value each other in what some would call flip-flopped roles. Me the worker and him the stay at home dad. And it always makes me smile. If you know us well, you know that this is us. I am the type A, can't sit still, wildly emotional person. He's the fun guy. The consistent, strong yet gentle, dad and husband. We have learned that together - we so truly are one. I look at him and know that He was hand selected by God just for me. He is everything I am not and I like to think that I am that to him. God is good to us and He gave us both a passion to stay together, through it all. Together we can survive and even thrive.

And back to the news tonight. Jobs. More losses. Tonight I wonder how I can support those I know that are grieving this new loss. How can I share my story and give you hope. None of this journey has been easy for us and I'd hate for it to be a complete waste. Share with me so we can lean on each other. Matt and I both have successful families and friends and we long to be part of that inner circle again. We know the frustrations, the hopes, and the disappointments of this grief. We know it WAY more than we ever have wanted or admit to.

So tonight, please know that I am grieving with you and for you. I grieve tonight for the losses in my life and I give Praise for the successes that are on the horizon. And I petition God on your behalf my friends. For the people I know whose lives are being turned upside down. I pray that God put his hand on your lives and touch your life in ways you could never have imagined. New opportunities. New dreams. And the courage to pursue them!

God is faithful - keep your chin up. We will do this adventure - together!